The Testimony of Kristen Parker
For some reason I just felt really led to write and share my story with you all, it's not just a story, it's my true personal testimony. I don't know, maybe someday it can help somebody. It would be a true blessing to know that somehow and someway the things I've gone through in life could have some impact on other people. I've been through some extremely hard times over the past few years and I truly believe that God is going to turn it all around for the good if I just trust in Him. I would like to share with you my journal entry that I wrote a couple of nights ago. Every night before I go to bed I write and like I said I just felt really led to share this. Here is what I wrote……
Sunday, December 1, 2002 I missed church today. I wanted to go, but mom and dad weren't feeling too well. But I've managed to stay content and happy and I thank God for that, for giving me another beautiful day. I just got off the phone with (a friend). I pray that somehow, someway that the Lord will open (this friends) eyes to Him, so that (this friend) can help theirself. We had a long talk. I talked to (this friend) about how this life is all just a test of our faith. We go through trials to strengthen us. It's part of Satan's plan to attack you the moment you decide to do what's right and live for God. But it's up to us to overcome the trials Satan tries to throw in our way. “With God all things are possible.” God will turn those trials around and take the bad and make it into something so wonderful if only we put all our trust and faith in Him. We need to keep our eyes, ears, heart and soul focused on the Lord and the right things in life. When we give into temptations we are only pro longing God's wonderful plan for us. I'm sure if I would have listened to God 4 years ago instead of running to boys, drugs, my eating disorder and other destructive behaviors, that it could have saved me a lot of grief. Maybe I could have already been that much closer to where God wanted me to be in this life. But instead I chose to take the long way around. But in return , I learned some valuable lessons through it all. I learned you can never find happiness and love until you get right with God and love Him and learn to love yourself for the person He made you, and to be satisfied with that. Your life will just keep going around in one huge messed up circle until you cry out to God and only then will your path be lighted ahead and you'll finally begin to realize the joy's you've been blind to for so long and the true happiness you have always longed for will finally begin to fill your heart and soul. I've finally found something to run to when I'm depressed, happy or sad. I've finally found that one thing to fill the void in my life and the one thing that will truly make me happy that is NOT temporary. I finally found something I can overdose on and be blessed for...and that something is the Lord Jesus Christ! A friend once told me...God forgives, you just have to ask. That friend was so right. I've got a long way to go, but I'm finally becoming the young woman that I was meant to be. Each and everyday I strive to be a little more like Jesus. It's not easy, but in the end, it's all going to be worth it. Through it all I learn a little more and I slowly begin to see the pieces of my once shattered life coming back together. It's all starting to make sense after all. For the past 4 years of my life I've struggled with some of the most challenging things a person can go through. From bad relationships, from rape, to anorexia and bulimia to drug use. I was in so much emotional pain, trying to mask and numb all the hurt with temporary pain relievers that only made me feel more empty in the end. I've seen many ER. rooms and I've come so close to dying so many times that I realize now it's only by the miracle of God's grace that I am still alive. I could go on and on, there really is no short story to my life and the life threatening things I have struggled with. I got better from Anorexia because one day I just decided to let go and trust in God. I was tired of being sick. The doctors were amazed of the miraculous change. I remember my dad telling me after recovery that he was convinced I was going to die from it, but I didn't and all I can say is...it was all God and He is why I'm still alive today. I would love to say that's the end of my story and I lived happily ever after, but that would be a lie. Somewhere along the road to my recovery from Anorexia I caved in. I got discouraged quit going to church and left home in fits of anger time after time. I got involved with the wrong crowed of people. My life was all crashing in on me and the sad part is, that I was so consumed by the things of this world that I didn't even realize I was slowly killing who I was. I was doing everything and anything just for that temporary pleasure. Anything that numbed me to the point of not caring was my main priority at the time. I was using drugs constantly. It started with alcohol, I got sick of that so I went to pills, the pills got old so I added the cocaine and so on and so forth. I was beginning to realize that in my own pursue to find happiness I was looking in all the wrong places and choosing all the wrong things. I started to realize that ending up in the ER. all the time from taking too many drugs was not bringing me happiness. I failed to realize then that the one true thing I was missing in my life was God. I forgot that it was God that healed me from Anorexia but as soon as I turned away from God all my problems came back but 10 times worse. I was so lost trying to run from everything that got a little hard in life. I was truly on the verge of just giving up. Then one day it hit me.I needed help! They say ones gotta hit rock bottom before they can want or realize that they need help, and rock bottom is what I hit faster than I could have imagined possible. I lost my apartment because I didn't have the money to pay rent and I could never hold a decent job because I was always out partying, sick and hung over the next day when it was time for work. So I called my parents and told them I was ready for a change. Ok, I'm trying to make this story short and it's not working to well. My point is... for the past 4 years of my life all I've done is run from my problems and I've come to realize that as long as I run, I just keep digging myself a deeper hole. I realize now, that without God in the center of your life you can never expect to be truly happy. I'm tired of fighting for all the wrong things. I'm ready to let go and let God. I'm sick of being sick. So I've applied to this Christian based girls home, it's called ''Mercy Ministries of America,'' I'm sure you have heard of it before. They help girls and young women with all sorts of problems from abuse, rape, eating disorders, drug addiction and other stuff. I really feel that God wants me to be there because I know I have so much emotional, physical and spiritual healing that I need, and I realize now that I can't do it alone. I truly believe that there is a reason I've been through everything I have. I may not understand it all now, but I know that if I keep my faith, my eyes, heart and soul on the Lord and give myself completely to Him that in his timing He will show me my purpose in life. So I leave my past behind because it's my past I can't do anything about it but I can do something about my future and the wonderful thing is that God forgives. Now I try to live more in the moment, one day and one step at a time and not get so focused and worried about tomorrow, because the truth is,nobody is garanteed another day. That is why we shouldn't go through life as if it were a race because then we fail to see the many blessings that God gives to us each new day. I've learned not to take life for granted, that we should cherish the simple things and be thankful. My heart is filled with so many things to say right now. I didn't mean to make this so long, but like I said, God just laid it on my heart to share this with you all and I just wanted to be obedient to that. And all I want to do now is be obedient to God's will. Sometimes it gets really hard and confusing at times, but then I just push myself a little harder and remember that “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength.” Well I guess I'll end this now, before I make this what was supposed to be semi small story into a book. But I hope and pray that someway or somehow that maybe this has touched someone's life. One day I hope to be an inspiration to help other's realize that you CAN overcome the trials of the world and the difficult times that may seem impossible to beat if you just keep God first in your life. A girl said once that..."If God won't let me die, then He has to help me live" I take that to heart everyday now.... I look back and am still amazed that I'm still alive, I've come so close to death so many times, but still yet I've managed to beat it all and stay alive....thats only because God allowed it to happen that way, therefore He has to have an amazing plan for my life. I've learned that I just need to be more patient and eventually like I said before, if you keep your trust in Him, your purpose in life will begin to piece together. Thats not just for me...thats the same with everyone, everyone has a reason that they were brought into this world. Even though things may seem rough at times, you learn from it. God does NOT make mistakes, everything happens for a reason, the good and the bad, eventually it will all make sense. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless and have a merry Christmas. All my love, your sister in Christ......... I have also put a picture of me on here when I was anorexic...this is one of the things God has brought me out of, nobody thought I was gonna live. It's amazing...God truly can bring you out of anything no matter what it is.....you just gotta have a willing Heart and a Love for Jesus Christ, and the true desire to turn yourself around for the better.
God Bless,
Kristen Parker
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